rewards.

As I trundle through readings and essays, practical reports and lecture notes, the future seems bleak.

I absorb myself into the routine of work, and expect myself to meet standards I rarely ever do. Does this mean I am not trying hard enough, or that I am lazy?

Working my hardest at an assignment and at my entire career tends to absorb all of my energy. I rarely have enough energy or love or positive feeling left in me at the end of the day than do anything but watch rubbish television whilst I feel sorry for myself for not getting enough done.

I don't know how to change. I want to be happier. But in making more time for myself, I know my studies will suffer, and as a consequence any time gained is tinged with guilt. Is there any way I can work hard whilst being happy with what I have achieved at the end of each day? And when, time and time again, people older than me tell me how 'these are the best days of my life', how is it even possible to stay upbeat when, in other words: 'It's all uphill from here.'

Feeling run down, tired, guilty and worthless today. And made worse by the fact that I know, realistically, I am one of the lucky ones.