shady baby.

plants which sense competition from neighbouring plants do so by being able to detect the wavelengths of light hitting them. light which has passed through green leaves is has a high proportion of 'far red' light. lots of plants respond to this 'far red' by growing taller to out-compete their neighbours.

plants which are preyed upon by insects release a stress hormone which catalyses the plant's synthesis of compounds which are toxic to the insects. part of this response involves the stunting of plant growth: it has been assumed that this is to 'switch' the main energy consuming processes of the plant from growth to this toxic compound synthesis.

it has been hypothesised previously that far red light responses can happen because part of the far red light response inhibits the stress hormone 'growth stunt'.

i am investigating this!

i have 10 different modified lines of the plant model species Arabidopsis thaliana.

some of lines have a mutation in a signalling protein responsible for light and/or jasmonate (a plant stress hormone) responses.

some of the lines have significant proteins of interest (ie cyclin, which is only synthesised in actively dividing cells) hooked up to a 'reporter' construct which turns blue upon staining.

some of the lines have a mutation AND a reporter construct.

i have grown up 20x of each line in each of the following conditions:

white light without jasmonate 

white light with jasmonate

far red light without jasmonate

far red light with jasmonate

and i can assess each plants response to the conditions by:

i) measuring hypercotyl (immature stem)

ii) looking for blue spots after staining of the reporter lines

therefore I have 8 of the following plates:

this is my life at the moment.

this dissertation is worth 20 credits.

i am also studying 5 other modules worth 20 credits:

cellular signalling

genes, genomes and genomics

microbial biotechnology

cell biology and mechanisms of disease

food domestication and sustainability

all of these are assessed by 30% coursework and 70% exam.

I WANT TO GRADUATE ALREADY.

overwhelmed.

however my days my pass...

there is always this constant.

perspective.

I went railing round Europe for a few weeks back in 2008 and I hated on my shitty cheap camera the whole time.

Having a nose around old files and I rediscovered my then 'shameful' images that I took. 

In the past 3 years, something about me must have changed because I now LOVE them all...

be prepared for some sporadic postings of said photographs... 

Mostar, Bosnia and Herzegovina

musical memories.

some of my favourites from recent years.

this was a lot of fun to make, and perhaps my most chirpy entry yet!

to quote russell brand: "s'nice".

 mystery jets and some floaty skillz 'n' rainbows

 kesha for bad pop and good memories

arcade fire are beautiful as ever

 bat for lashes with some creepy friends

 megan washington makes me proud to be four eyed

 laura marling in all her gorgeousness

 ok go for some fun times

karnivool

xoxo

surprises.

are better than monotony.

I've been waiting for things to click for a while. Moments of clarity often peep through the clouds that I feel tend to hover above my days, but they slip through my fingers.

I want to make a change. I want to be a happier person:

Not afraid of the future, but excited.

Not 'concerned' about my grades and work, but 'passionate'.

Not so much just 'open' but 'embracing'. 

I'm not just going to wait for happiness to appear; I'll wring my days dry and savour every drop.

I'll make this promise to myself (and to you, lover).

No more new years resolutions, no more looking onto tomorrow to make change. The change is now, it's today, it's every day. Every day that I am not content, I'll ask myself why, and I will make my change.

hiding.

...because I don't know what else to do.

I like the show Supernanny. Because a) you get to see how screwed up other peoples lives are and b) there is always a happy ending. I want there to be a version for people who have all kinds of problems, not just problematic children....So I could call in an expert, have them show me how be assertive with my misery, in telling it it is 'unacceptable', and how to send it to a Naughty Corner, and how to keep it tucked up nicely in bed. I understand that a lot of work is involved, but once you are up the hill, you're up the hill. 

I'm tired, that's all. I hate that I am miserable. But I can't remember how to be anything else. 

Help?

cosy.

I'm a victim of effeminate and unnecessary mood swings. They dictate my lifestyle. 

For the most part of the day I was convinced that there was no reason to be anything other than complacent, and so I went about my business in such a manner that I would always see the world through these eyes and with this attachment, and that this perspective is the only perspective.

All it takes is a sudden whim of pride, self acceptance or understanding, and I'm welcomed back Home.

Both of these places hold such a severe and passionate grasping sense of 'belonging'. It's just a battle, over which I have little control.